Arguing may seem annoying and unhealthy. But it doesn’t have to be!
Rather, there can be a great deal of benefits that come from arguing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is most definitely a difference between healthy arguing, and unhealthy fighting.
If anything ever begins to get physical, then it is absolutely time to raise that red flag and contemplate what’s going on. This type of fighting is surely not tolerable, and both parties need to get out of that situation.
However, healthy arguments are supposed to happen, and there are a generous amount of benefits to them.
Often, especially if the relationship is new, conversations can be surface level. As we all know, surface level never really helped anyone build intimacy, or a strong relationship. When we get into arguments, we are generally so passionate about our side of the story, that we begin to allow ourselves to dig deep and open up. This creates the conversation that we need to have; which will build that strong, long-lasting relationship that most people hope for.
Awareness of Perspective
It’s easy to be selfish. Much easier than to actually consider someone else’s thoughts, perspective, and point of view. But, even though its easier, it is not helpful. Getting some awareness into the perspective of your partner (or child) can be significant when it comes to getting to know someone better, and beginning to understand them. Once you understand someone, the subject of the argument will create less friction between both parties. This is because each knows where the other stands.
Learned Respect for Other’s Point of View
Sometimes it can be difficult for us to learn to respect another’s perspective. This is probably because, in our own heads, we know that we are right. (Do you detect my sarcasm?) No matter if an argument changes our views or not, it is important for us to learn how to respect the views of others. This is not saying that we have to applaud, or even adopt, their views. It simply means acknowledging them. By doing this, it shows that you can respect their way of life/thinking, without rejecting it. This can make the other person feel heard, which is great for relationships. Because, let’s be honest, sometimes that is all we really want!
Learn from Each Other
Sometimes we can be unaware of what we really stand by, until someone else gives us their point of view. Just like respecting their view, we can also adopt their views as our own. Sometimes the other person can make a really good point, we just have to learn to be vulnerable and humble enough to be able to back down when something sounds like it can be right. This brings me to my next point…
If we want to have good relationships, we must learn to be vulnerable. Why would someone (anyone) want to be around someone who is stubborn all the time and never wanted to budge? It doesn’t make sense. Generally, humans want to be around those who make us feel like we are a part of their lives. When we are not vulnerable, then we are basically telling them they aren’t invited to our party. No one wants to feel left out. By arguing, we are allowing ourselves to open up. This, in turn, creates a vulnerability that we may have otherwise looked past.
Creates Common Ground
Why do we argue? Generally to “get our way”. Often, arguments can be one-sided, and someone “wins”. Instead of looking at it this way, why not look at it so you can compromise to make both parties happy? By arguing, we are fulfilling all the listed things above, but also creating compromise. By compromising, we are learning to get along with others, and treat others with the respect and love that we would want to be treated with.
I hope that this can give you a better perspective on arguments, and help you understand that it doesn’t all have to be bad. Arguing is necessary to grow a relationship, and a person. It may seem as if this post is aimed toward intimate relationships, but arguments can (and will) happen to any relationship. By arguing, you are showing passion, and that you care.
Next time you argue, remember these benefits. It will make it seem a lot less stressful and frustrating, and will help both parties realize that there is a goal of arguments, and its not for one party to “win”.
What do you do to make arguments worth it?